World book day

Why to read? On World Book day...

We read to know the truth, but the in the era of Social media when truth is also optional (depending what your leanings and biases are), we should read to learn how to judge a truth. How to segregate between the theories. What is important is to have an ability and gumption to pursue what is truth and what is not. Because there can be only one fact. In today’s world with the plethora of stories with dozens of version, it is like finding a needle in a haystack as it is finding what makes a genuine story. Reading expands your horizon just to establish that very fact. We are surrounded by people who will put falsified, unverified facts in your head, judgment becomes key because that differentiates you between the ordinary and erudite.

I have been very disturbed over the past few days regarding some of the conversations I have had with a close friend. Just to share an example, it is about the Kathua Rape case in Jammu. This goes like, friend shared an unverified video with me about an absolute opposite version of what had been in the chargesheet filed in the court of law. It was a 13 minute long video where this gentleman ranted about that the girl was not raped, she was murdered by the rohingya immigrant, temple was not busy, and body was thrown there rather than all the facts about it. I saw the entire video not because I believed it but I wanted to understand the gravity of disillusionment. I texted that friend of mine, what made you share something such an alternative reality. His reply I cannot hear anything against Hinduism, as so have been pointed out in various sections of the social media. To that friend of mine if you are reading it, you had made a judgment that they have pointed out something bad about Hinduism so you shared the untruth. You had an implicit bias not against Hinduism but against the truth. You never had the ability to know what the reality is, not a Chargesheet filed in the court of law but a story concocted to suit a narrative just to the people like you who has a half cooked brain. You are the source of communal words in this country not because you are saying it but after having been educated like you have, you do not possess the sense of judgment. You are not saying anything wrong, but you are sharing something wrong as good as this is your opinion. In the world of social media it is easy to get instantly offended too as you get instantly gratified too, but you loose what is called the basic tenet of human discourse, FACT. So evolve, learn and read. You are literate but not educated. My friend, you are disillusioned. Get well soon!

With unverified accounts, with ability to just rant on for days without a sense of reality is a new normal. Yes, it is a new normal but a sad normal. This is the source of division in this age. Humans have evolved over a long time to face major challenges in our lives, we built great systems to overcome those. This is a new challenge in front of us. I may not be the best person to take such an advise from, but I definitely am speaking from the sense of responsibility from what I have seen. The best piece of advise I can give is atleast not share something you have personally not verified and have the ability to listen. Speech is silver, silence is golden. And have some belief in the institutions of the rule of law (Court/Police). I know there are more free criminals than ones in the jail, but your duty as a responsible ordinary citizen is to call wrong wrong. Not ‘What about that…’ ‘But…’. The moment you utter whataboutery of something, you are a concocted human being who is suppressing the truth to force your own agenda and put it on people.

Thomas Friedman says ‘You cannot survive for 40 years by learning only for 4 years’. Learning and evolving is a continuous process. Now this is an amazing line. It is such a blatant truth in a changing world. What is important now may not exist tomorrow. What will exist tomorrow, will change by the time you reach tomorrow. So how do you prepare yourself? By knowing, by understanding the underpinnings of the world, by acknowledging what is making a difference in this generation to this generation by this generation. And how do you do that? Read. Read to know. Read to understand. Read to acknowledge.

World book day is a UNESCO organized event to promote reading, publishing and copyright. I would extend that to a bit of education as well. Read Memoir of JD Vance to know why we are at a stage where the world goes blind right, read Scott Gallaway to know what difference technologies are making in our lives going forward, read Abhinav Bindra’s autobiography to know what it takes to win medals in an individual Olympic sport from india.  read Hit Refresh to know who Satya nadella is what made him what he is and what is he doing. Read to expand your horizon more than anything. Read to extract. Read to gain. Anyone can read words, but what you do with that counts.

We are at a major cornerstone in human generation, something which world has never seen before. I wish to be optimistic, but I know I would have to work very hard to be that way longer. Would end with a quote that summarizes everything above “Think before you speak. Read before you think”. Happy World Book day!

Blindspot...a mystery in our brains.

Blindspot written by Mahzarin Banaji and Anthony Greenwald, is a compelling book on our impulses, our reactions based on already stored information in a part of the brain which as a conscious person we are not aware of. It talks about years of research done in the field of psychology to arrive at a conclusion that we as a humans, have stereotypes inbuilt in our brains which is a major reason for our talk, reason, action, reaction. Using the Implicit Association test (IAT), writers make you aware of dangerous realities inside your brain that for example you are a “White” racial person even though you would deny that in the open setting. It is a very important study of human characteristics and tell you why you think the way you think. Stereotypes are not acquired, it is built over the years of data, seeing things around, seeing people around, culture, religion etc. We humans, have the great capacity to imprint what we see, and that becomes a basis of our action, the need to rationalize or act according to a situation is over-awed by the automatic reaction side of our brain. We remain oblivious to our hidden biases and it influences our behavior towards members of various social groups and our ability to take rational decisions.

Tons of IAT done on all types of human races: Americans (White or Black), Asians, Hispanics, Europeans have revealed that we live in a polarized society which forms opinion not entirely on the facts of the case but by something which we historically came to believe not knowing that that is stored in brain and we are not aware of this shortfall. The word psychologists use to capture the cracks in system is dissociation., which encompasses so many of humankind’s contradictory attitudes and behaviors that it ranks among psychology’s most powerful concepts. Here’s a definition: Dissociation is the occurrence, in one and the same mind, of mutually inconsistent ideas that remain isolated from one another. Author writes, it is the barrier between the dissociation (Reflexive or rational mind and Automatic or intuitive mind) that IATs were designed to reveal.

The question of why is it important to know what’s in your brain also comes up, because it could be devastating for an individual to know his/her certain innate biases which he/she all along has acted against it or atleast talked opposite in public. It could lead to sadness or even cause distress. “It undermines the image we have of ourselves as largely fair-minded and egalitarian”, authors note. Continuing forward, book explains what Japanese Poet Ryunosuke Akutagawa said “What good is intelligence if you cannot discover a useful melancholy”, in simple terms it means that knowledge that provokes a feeling of distress is only of value if it can be put to some use. In the books’ terms, authors writes ‘Of What value is it to have developed tests like the IAT that reveal the darker sides of our selves.

In one of the striking examples of favoritism or hidden bias, is a story of Carla Kaplan. Carla Kaplan was an assistant professor of American Literature at Yale in late 1980s. To paraphrase the story here, Carla was a dedicated quilter. One evening while washing a crystal bowl, it accidently slipped from her hands. The jagged edge of the broken bowl slit her hand from mid-palm to wrist. She was taken to a nearby Yale affiliated New Haven hospital. Her boyfriend explained to the attending doctor that she is a quilter so she needs a special attention and hand to be treated in a way she can start quilting again. He feared injury might impair the fine motor control she needs for the activity she loved. A student volunteer saw Carla, and said “Professor Kaplan”, for which the doctor asked “You’re a professor at Yale?”. She was then rushed to the surgery department and the best hand surgeon from Connecticut was called in to treat and restore Carla’s hand. So she was treated specially not because, she was just another patient but she was a Yale Professor. A classic example of in-group favoritism.

This books is full of such examples where authors runs you through your daily life and give you examples which can shock you and can enlighten you at the same time. It is important for us as part of a millennial to know what we are acting upon. It is important we understand that if our actions are based facts/rationales or we are acting on false impulses stored in some part of the brain which can be dig upon. Human mind is a dangerous thing, which is why we have whole branch of science dedicated to it. But when it comes to acting upon a certain shortfall inside us, it rarely falls upon the realms of scientific research but only upon one individual. You. I will end this piece by quoting a part of the book below which will remain with me and I wish to pass on:

“The reflective aspects of our mind allows to imagine a future that improves on the present state of affairs, to achieve settled upon and consciously chosen goals and values. Knowledge is indeed powerful, and self-knowledge achieved by taking the IAT can exert its power by unsettling existing views of one’s mind. If that happens, the melancholy produced by the IAT will indeed by useful.”

Father and Son..

“I was once like you are now, and I know that’s not easy

To be calm when you’ve found something going on

But take your time, think a lot

Why, think of everything you’ve got

For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not”

The lines above is from 1970 Song ‘Father and Son’ by Cat Stevens. Stevens said in an interview later that ‘Father and son is for those who can’t break loose'

I have been given similar guidance from, who is my best friend first, My dad. I am his one down.

From bringing the best cricket balls available to newest note books in the market.

From getting me a carom board, the boxing gloves and basketball to making sure I play those. (That is where my sports love comes from)

From playing cricket with me to taking me to a cricket stadium.

From instilling curiosity to read to reading a story to me

From setting my room in a balcony for my study to writing my debate speeches and preparing me for quizzes.

From calling me sharp 9 PM to know if I have left office to not sleeping till I have reached home.

You are the epitome of what a Father should be. A son’s best friend. A fatherly figure embedded with a friend’s care and bonding.

You are my Morrie (from Tuesdays with Morrie) and Rocky Balboa wrapped in one. (Mental Strength and Core Strength

Have learnt a lot from you, but the most significant learnings come from the harshest of situations. And it was during a certain crises, that those lessons of compassion, resilience, resistance began to define my character for toughest periods. Thoughts do not change like the flip of a calendar but it takes huge amount of time to process inside and you realise later what is right and what is not

I have been blessed to be able to have that conversation with you about life, which impacts my thoughts and probably my decisions because Father and Son could be a trickiest of relationships with generational gap. Empathy: an ability to think from different perspective and then react to it, probably the most important lesson delivered time and time again. This is invaluable, because now being in the corporate world, it becomes a potent weapon

You have lived long enough to know why a certain situation exist as is, and which is exactly why during a crisis of thoughts, during a struggle for answers you are my No. 1 goto person.

I miss you more because, i am not able to call you at 6 in the evening to order what i want, to command a son's voice, or keep my wallet near yours to let you know i need money. But guess this is my toughest battle underway, and probably i need my toughest and staunchest critic by my side. Who makes me take the right path forward.

“It’s only when you grow up and step back from him-or leave him for your own home-its only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it”, could not have resonated more beautifully.

I was always your student and friend first, and then your son. And probably this is how it would always remain.Probably that sums up what I have been saying. Again, Thankyou is not enough. Happy Father’s Day Papa!! See you Soon!!

Will you have something...

‘Ankur, kuch khayega kya?’ (Ankur, Will you have something?)

The above line comes at 2 in the morning when I am hard pressed in completing my final touches of a CA exams due in the coming hours. It was 6 Novembers ago.

That is not just the call of a worried mother getting up in the middle of the night to see what his son is up to, it is about any help she can be for to pass his exams.

That is call for affection.

That is as beautiful and romantic or if not more than Sachin’s straight drive, Rehman’s melody, Kishore da’s voice or Gulzar’s words. 

That is an aroma I have grown up with from my childhood.

That is the inspiration which drives me to work now.

There is no better feeling in the world, and I repeat NO better feeling in the world to see your Mother happy because of you.

That feeling of being in the mother’s shadow overshadows any amount of comfort you can experience anywhere in the world.

That having to submit a list of foods I wish to eat before arriving home is like the best checklist I have prepared.

That love which is so unconditional, that it does not cost you a penny and no ROI formulas attached to it.

That love is not a zero sum game, where you only get only even if you don't give.

Where there is no expectation.

Every human on this earth, has one common factor which binds it – the fact that you are born out of someone’s womb.

That womb may be dead, lost, forgotten, thrown, fought off, you may have broken off, but fact remains the womb carried you for 9 months before you saw this world.

I have a relationship with my mother, which transcends emotions. She loves me without expectation as every mother does, she misses me when I am away as every mother does, she cooks superb like every mother does. 

She took care of me when I was battling myself with situations, circumstances, and faith. She told me there is always light at the end of the tunnel. She taught me that first fight you need to win is fight with yourself. She taught me the meaning of love. She taught me the meaning of ignorance. I can never be as great as her, but i can atleast try. When I was down and out, she said even Sachin faced a difficult phase, even great lived in the streets, even your own dad faced tough situations, but never lost hope. She helped me clinged on to that one last hope which makes the difference between survival and defeat. She has two hearts, she even thinks with Heart imprinted on brain because Love is an emotion which comes only out of heart not from brain, and she has only Love. She taught me what giving it back means. She taught me you can earn big, you can go heights, but only thing that will keep you happy is to look from where you started. Humility is not a virtue, it is an art. Empathy is not what you possess, it is what you practice.

I cannot imagine her pain, when she would have seen me going into an Operation Theatre several moons back when I was just 4, but I remember listening this story from her that she told her crying husband it is fine, he is going inside to get treated. That moved me by leaps. A mother seeing her 4 year old getting operated but still had the temerity and composure to bring stillness in the scene. It is epitome of elegance, virtue and candour. This is how life is, she said. She gave a mighty hearty. There is one debt you carry it on the death bed, it is your mother’s love which you cannot repay.

I live out of country now for work but every day of my life while navigating through the hassles of the corporate life I miss the stillness of my house, the voice of my Lata Mangeshkar, the charming aura of my mother, the beautiness of her soul and her ever flowing love towards me. I am all because of her. For the world she is mother, but for me she is not just the world, but every single space and breath that exists in it. There are times when you feel just leave everything and go back to the most sacred place on hearth, but you cannot do that because, even here, your mother’s happiness lies. She is happy that I have come thus far fighting demons within myself and around me. 

Mummy, your story cannot end. It cannot end ever and ever. You are the most important thing that is present on this earth and shall always be. Mitch Albom famously said, ‘There is a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is your mother’s story, because here is where yours began’

I cannot Thankyou enough. Happy Mother’s day.

World Book Day...

There is a quote which says ‘Books wash away from the soul, the dust of everyday lives’. And it is the truth of all the things. There is not a better thing that exists beyond an abstract story in a book which penetrates into your heart and soul. It moves you. It humbles you. It takes you to a different planet where you live with the story that you just read and think with the author. A book reading is an amazing experience. We all like to travel. We all like to go places and have experiences. This is what a book does. It makes you travel and it makes you feel experiences. Time travel is not a cliché, it is a reality. The writer does not suffer fools. It is the creative imagination of individuals which has moved the world and its people, it has shaped decisions, it has changed the course of society from not today, but from the time we started to live on this planet. From Classical novels of Mark Twain, George Orwell to timeless novels of John Steinbeck, these people have shared experiences and stories of the times when the world was different from where we are now.

My first great book was ‘Who moved my Cheese’, the timeless piece of Spencer Johnson of how to deal with change in your life. It actually moved me, let alone the cheese. 

When Mitch Albom describes his tale of Morrie it will sure lets you think of things in your own world through a very different glass.

When John Steinbeck reads you the experiences of Great Depression you realize, what getting low in life can be.

When Elie Wiesel and Victor Fankl describes Holocaust, you know we humans are the worst animals around.

When Jhumpa Lahiri shares her experiences with a different language and living in a different world, you know there are places to go and do.

When Piyush Pandey explains you the anatomy of a advertisement, you see the depths of human mind.

When Daniel Kahnemann dissects the human brain, you feel that this is how we think and take decisions.

When Yuval Noah Harari explains our struggle for relevance over the course of this planet’s existence, you value its priceless gifts.

When Richard Bach describes the story of a Seagull you are convinced that nothing is impossible.

When Julian Barnes shares a story, you know why endings are important.

When Mahatria writes Unposted Letters, you ought to keep it at your bedside to read when you think dark.

When Timothy Gallewey gives you an inner game of your favorite sport, you bring perspectives even if you do not play the sport but apply it in your daily life. (This is the book I keep in my bag every day).

When Sue Klebold talks about her struggle to accept her son as a mass-murderer, you will know that its miles to go before we achieve sanity.

When Bandi describes the life in a rogue country like North Korea, you feel privileged.

When Yuvraj Singh and Sachin Tendulkar shared their story, you realised that Talent is temporary, attitude defines the success.  

When Paul Kalanithi describes his life as a doctor and later as a patient, you meet immortality (One of the all-time favorites).

Those mentioned above are not just books, those are experiences. Those are serendipity. Those are the things you fall in love with. As I said above, those are the things that humbles you. Books develops instincts. It feeds into curiosity. It tells you the endless possibilities that you see around. Above all, it makes you aware. 

Cognitive Science tells us that we are living in a knowledge illusion according to a book released last week called the ‘the knowledge illusion’. It explains “People rarely appreciate their ignorance, because they lock themselves inside an echo chamber of like-minded friends and self-confirming newsfeeds, where their beliefs are constantly reinforced and seldom challenged.”. The book does not describe the remedy to this problem of human illusion, but it does speak about ability to accept that folly can be a first step. You got it correct, I am arguing that being aware through reading should be our only way to spot the false narratives, speak with facts, embrace views with facts. When truth is twisted, it is a problem because then decisions change. Facts are stubborn. We need to learn how to practice skepticism and cultivate awe to get us over the line of the truth.

We are moving into a different type of world where, facts can be changed to suite one’s agenda, it can be maneuvered to a level where it no longer is relevant. We live in a very dangerous times, where being aware is the only solution to a better decision making. In an NYT column which I read recently, the current environment w.r.t literature is eloquently captured “This is why literature is the greatest argument for the universalist instinct, and this is why literature is intransigent about its liberty. It refuses to be enrolled, regardless of how noble or urgent the project. It cannot be governed or dictated to. It is by instinct interested in conflicting empathies, in men and women who are running into their own hearts, in doubt and contradictions. Which is why, without even intending to, and like a moon to the night, it disrupts the totalitarian narrative.”

As someone said “Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors and the most patient of teachers;”

Wish you all a very Happy World Book Day!! Happy Reading and Happy Exploring!!

Preparation

For the starters, please do not read this as a bible and consider it as a red line of approach. This is not meant to be that. This is just an accumulation of thoughts and a reflection of what has been my learning from, I proudly say, one of the experiences of life. There is no better way to in life to know one-self than attempting to push yourself into something, which forces you to answer the question ‘Who are you?’ ‘What are your priorities?’ ‘Why you are doing what you are doing?’ ‘What is your stance on your own career?’ ‘What do you think about your professional qualification vis-à-vis your work?’. This is the single biggest experiment you can do to yourself. This is the learning in life, which frankly, no one can give you but you need to find these answers yourself to be able to come to terms with it. Sooner you find it, better it will be for any aspirant at any field. When I joined my company, I never knew I will be at a certain place like this, I am still not at where I want to be though, but it is reflection time to sit and pass on the learnings to the people who may need. I am 28, and have a career in front of me, but one thing that has been my success factor is a continuous push towards achieving what I want and believing that it is mine. So few things to keep in mind while gunning for something really big in life and for the ones you think is a very important step:

· Never allow yourself to think about Plan B, because it does not exist.

· Never think about anyone else in competition except yourself, agree it is relative, but your own performance matters.

· Take this as a big learning curve and always approach to the steps as one more step. (Higher you go, rope will get thinner and pie will get smaller)

· Introspect as hard as you can, try and dig out about yourself more than you possibly think.

· Do not take it as a challenge to overcome it, but as an opportunity to learn from it and take it as learning.

· Have an ability to listen and comprehend.

· Be your own harshest critic, and never allow any sense of complacency go into your head. (Roger Federer would not have been that great, if he had settled with what he has got in life in 20 years.

· Learn as much as possible.

These are just pointers and can be many of such, but one thing that keeps everyone occupied is the 1st point above. I myself, during the course of preparation, asked myself. ‘What if?’. This is an inherent human folly to think about. We always like to be in the comfort zone of thoughts wondering what if it does not turn out the way you want. Let me pull the trigger, it will never turn out how you want. But you can determine the result by just giving your 100% and not thinking about it. That’s the best way to overcome it. Result are a momentary realisation of what you have achieved, a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy. It can never take you far ahead in life. It can only keep you in that moment. Result-win or lose-works differently or matters differently to different people. It never is/will be a barometer of your success. It is what you do with the result matters. Always. Just like what you do with the success in hand or how you deal with the failure in hand. I have had my own share of failures-some of them are big ones, some of them made my career at stake, thankfully I am a little bit stable now- but still miles to go. So when you are running for something big in life, and this is nothing to do with competition, remember results are relevant only to the point how you take it. Failure presents an opportunity, but success presents a different variety of complacency. Not to say success is not good, of-course it is good, but as one of my favourite speaks ‘Failure is always the first step towards success’. Public life is filled with stories of people who have bounced back. Make this a mantra about results not affecting you.

Only then will you go in front of the panel, more blank, more open, and without doubt more honest. Being aware that your life rests on this, makes it a little harder. Prepare your best, do all you can to win it, work as hard as needed, think this is the only one that exists (Now or Never) but never allow fear of failure to cross your head. I gave an explanation above about failure, just to make one understand that it does not matter. As Vikram always says ‘What got you here, won’t get you there’. So you need to keep exploring what you are good at, what you need from work and life, what your priorities are. Make sure your approach to this is positive and honest. If those two works, Confidence will flow and doubts will get washed out.

And lastly, the home of Tennis, the Wimbledon locker room has two of the best line which captures the above theme very eloquently ‘If you can meet Triumph and Disaster, And treat those two imposters just the same’. 

Ellie Weisel

We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.

The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.

No human race is superior; no religious faith is inferior. All collective judgments are wrong. Only racists make them.

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.

There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.

Peace is our gift to each other.

I have not lost faith in God. I have moments of anger and protest. Sometimes I've been closer to him for that reason.

When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.

Wherever men and women are persecuted because of their race, religion, or political views, that place must - at that moment - become the center of the universe.